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If Facebook Was A Guy

ryannorth:

FACEBOOK: Hi, I’m Facebook.
ME: Nice to meet you, I’m Ryan.
FACEBOOK: What’s your last name? Where do you live? When were you born? What’s your phone number? Is that work or mobile? Can I have your work number too?
ME: Facebook, I just met you.
FACEBOOK: This is what friendship is to me.

***

ME: Hey, you know what’d be lots of fun? If we had a picnic!
FACEBOOK: Hey, you know what’d be lots of fun? If you told me the names of every single person you know!

***

FACEBOOK: Hey Ryan, do you know this person?
ME: That’s Sarah. I haven’t spoken to her for years.
FACEBOOK: Okay, here’s a shot of her bedroom and some pictures of her children as they sleep.

***

FACEBOOK: Hey Ryan, do you know this person?
ME: I… maybe? I may have seen him at a party.
FACEBOOK: He likes The Big Bang Theory. You wanna be friends, right?
ME: No.
FACEBOOK: I’ll ask you to be friends with him every time I see you again for the next six months.

***

FACEBOOK: Your friends went to the beach. Do you have any comments on these pictures of your friends at the beach? 
ME: Huh?
FACEBOOK: I’m showing their swimsuit pictures to everyone. Do you like them? You can tell me if you like them. It’s fine if you like them.
ME: They’re… okay, I guess?
FACEBOOK: Okay, I just told them and everyone they know that you like their swimsuit pictures.

***

MY FRIEND STEVE: Hey, Facebook just said we’re not friends anymore? What the hell, Ryan?
ME: Huh?
FACEBOOK: Hah hah hah

***

NSA: Hey Facebook, what can you tell us about Ryan?
FACEBOOK: Age, interests, relationships, activities, where he was last night, what he looked like while he was there, the last five places he’s lived - what do you want? 
NSA: That’ll be great, thanks. Do we need a warrant?
FACEBOOK: Nah, just make a fake account and friend someone who is friends with Ryan. That’s good enough for me!
NSA: Hah hah hah

***

FACEBOOK: Hey, did you know your aunt is racist?
ME: I… no?
FACEBOOK: Here’s something they wrote about “the foreigners”.
ME: Why would you think I’d want to see this?
FACEBOOK: Do you like what you see? You can tell me if you like it. It’s fine if you like it.

***

FACEBOOK: Hey, this corporation wants to engage with you.
ME: What? No.
FACEBOOK: They paid me money so you’re going to listen to them whether you want to or not.
CORPORATION: Hi, are you getting married? Do you want to buy diamonds? You mentioned diamonds earlier so you should buy our diamonds.
ME: I was talking about the James Bond movie, Diamonds Are Forever.
CORPORATION: We can sell you that too.
ME: Wait, how did you know I was talking about that in the first place?
FACEBOOK: Hah hah hah

***

ME: Facebook, I don’t want to be friends anymore. Forget everything I ever told you about myself.
FACEBOOK: Okay.
ME: Facebook, did you delete everything?
FACEBOOK: I did. Sorry to see you go.
ME: …
ME: …Facebook, if I said I wanted to be friends again, what would you say?
FACEBOOK: Here’s all your old shit again! I never deleted anything! 
FACEBOOK: Hah hah hah

Here’s an idea. Instead of complaining that any change to your (yes, your) ideal status quo, and just writing it off as a gimmick or marketing ploy, how about waiting until the creators actually put out the story to make a judgement?

Any time there is change, I feel like fans concoct where they think the story will go off of just an announcement, and then express disgust in this made up story as if that’s exactly what it’s going to be. Superior Spider-Man was treated similarly (if not worse, in a different way) than the Cap and Thor announcements, and that run was the most interesting Spider-Man had been in years.

To address the “Why don’t they just create new characters?” argument: It’s simple, new characters do not sell. People can scream all they want at publishers to do this, and then publishers do, but no one actually supports it with their dollars. So to keep the stories fresh and interesting, they put spins on existing characters.

I also feel like most of the people complaining about the changes are those that aren’t actually reading the titles. Because if they were, they would know that these writers are doing an amazing job with them currently, and these changes should do nothing to affect the quality of storytelling. So if you fall into this category, kindly STFU.

/rant

2014 Films, So Far

Now that I’ve actually seen most of the movies I wanted to for the first half, here’s how my ranking looks at the moment. The crazy thing is that I’ve enjoyed every one that I have seen besides that one down there at the bottom.

  1. The Grand Budapest Hotel
  2. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
  3. How to Train Your Dragon 2
  4. X-Men: Days of Future Past
  5. The Lego Movie
  6. Edge of Tomorrow
  7. Under the Skin
  8. Snowpiercer
  9. Godzilla
  10. Noah
  11. Neighbors
  12. 22 Jump Street
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  61.  The Amazing Spider-Man 2

The Comic Book Communicast

So for anyone that cares, I’ve pretty much relegated all my comic related tumbling to my podcast’s site at the link. Lots of sweet art, plus the weekly comic book discussion show that I’m a part of. We record that live every Wednesday night around 8 pm PST over on Google+, and it usually hits Tumblr, the Podcast RSS, iTunes, and YouTube an hour or so later.

Basically, it’s my excuse to talk about comic books every week with other live humans, in addition to the many words vomited out of my keyboard. If other people happen to tune in and watch/listen that’s cool too haha.

Superman: Doomed Reading Order

While not as confusing as my last reading order list, Infinity, Superman: Doomed is turning out to be quite complex. And it’s not helped by the changing subtitles and lack of “Doomed” labeling on some of the tie-ins. So here are all of the included issues, divided by subtitle. All of the issues (so far) seem necessary for the story besides the prologue.

Prologue

  • Action Comics #30
  • Superman/Wonder Woman #7
  • Superman #30

Infected

  • Superman: Doomed #1
  • Action Comics #31
  • Superman/Wonder Woman #8
  • Batman/Superman #11
  • Superman #31

Enemy of the State

  • Action Comics #32
  • Superman/Wonder Woman #9

Superdoom

  • Action Comics #33
  • Superman/Wonder Woman #10
  • Action Comics Annual #3
  • Superman/Wonder Woman Annual #1

Last Sun

  • Action Comics #34
  • Supergirl #34
  • Superman/Wonder Woman #11
  • Superman: Doomed #2

(Source: comicvine.com)

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